How to Become a Better Listener

How well do you listen?  Do you hear what your staff member says, or do you often prepare your response before they are even finished speaking?  The skill of listening is one that is often overlooked in the workplace, in the church, in the home, and often in many of our relationships. At Elevation Church, we go to great lengths to ensure that our staff and our leaders understand what it means to listen well, and the impact that it can make on our leadership.

At its most basic terms, listening is all about standing back from yourself to fully concentrate on what someone else is saying. This is a skill that is crucial to our understanding of the people that God has entrusted us to lead.  God's word portrays the importance of the skill as the word listen occurs in the Bible 352 times, and the word hear is found 379 times.  Leaders in the business world, such as author Stephen Covey agree when he says, "Most people do not listen to understand; they listen in order to answer. While the other is talking, they are preparing their reply." True listening is tough work.

Part of the reason that hearing others requires careful listening is because we talk much more slowly than we think. Some experts tell us that humans think five times faster than they talk. Thus, when someone is talking, the listener can race around to many other thoughts and ideas, while checking in just long enough to get the basic gist of what the person is saying.

Therefore, the success of your leadership will depend greatly on your ability to listen to your people and hear their thoughts, needs, and victories. This is true whether it is a start-up company, a new location for an existing company, or perhaps your eGroup or eTeam at Elevation Church.  Below are some skills that are essential to your leadership in the area of listening:

• Confirm What You Heard. As the leader, if you are struggling with understanding what the person is saying, try summarizing their thoughts in your own words.  Try, "What I hear you saying is"?
• Don't Interrupt. When you interrupt someone, or a group member interrupts another, they will be less likely to contribute in the discussion.
• Eye Contact and Body language. Be sure, as the leader, you are sitting up straight and you are keeping eye contact with those who are talking.
• Listen Actively. While someone is talking, do not think about your response or what you are going to say.  Instead, listen while they are talking.  Encourage your staff or your group to do the same.
• Use Follow-Up Questions or 2^nd level questions. When someone responds to a question, follow it up with a second question such as, "How does this relate back to the vision of the organization"? or "How can you apply this to your specific situation"?  These 2^nd level questions ensure both the individual and the group that you are actively listening to them.
• Stop Talking. No matter how hard you try, you cannot both talk and listen at the same time.
• Be Alert. Pay special attention to the body language of your staff, especially as they are talking.  Be on the watch for non-verbal cues from your teammates.

These simple skills will go a long way towards building the trust of your team through the art of listening.  You will be surprised by the trust that you can gain with your team by their simply knowing that you are listening to their thoughts and concerns.

• Who is the person on your team or in your group that you struggle with the most in the area of listening?  Who are you constantly thinking of a response before he or she is even finished?  Which of these bullets will be the easiest to apply?  Which will be the biggest challenge?
• What is another creative idea that will work in your setting?  What can you do to creatively keep the flow of ideas going in a meeting where people often talk and think over each other?  How can you keep the balance between the flow of ideas and the art of listening?