Dealing with Difficult eGroup Members

Sooner or later, if you lead any group of people, you will initially have to deal with group members who are a challenge to lead or to have be a part of the group.  eGroups are no different; if you lead an eGroup for any length of time, you will have to deal with 'difficult eGroup members.' This is just a fact as we are a church of imperfect people.

One of most important lessons that you must understand before you deal with the specifics of any specific eGroup member is that the group is more important than the individual.  Do not get this concept mixed up because it seems antithetical to the concept of community that we preach to you to create.  But, this concept must be understood and lived out.  Let's look at why this concept is so important.

It takes a lot of effort for one person to commit to attending an eGroup session.  When they first come, they don't know anyone and they intimidated by the concept of showing up at someone's house that they do not know.  They are looking for a healthy environment where they share a common interest with others in the eGroup.  They are looking, either consciously or not, to grow their faith by attending the eGroup.  Therefore, you cannot let one person stand in the way of God speaking to them through the eGroup or God growing them among through the members of the eGroup.

Here are some practical things to consider when handling with a eGroup member who is a challenge to deal with:

• Pray for wisdom: You must determine if the problem is spiritual, emotional, or physical.  Or, all of the above?  You may not know the answer, but God does.  God will give you insight to the situation, so your first step is to pray for the person and for the situation.
• Set Limits and Boundaries, and Then Address Accordingly: As the leader, it is important for you to identify limits and boundaries for behavior among the eGroup meetings.  When the person goes beyond these limits, you need to address it in a one-on-one setting.  Address them in love; remind them of what they did or said and its impact on the eGroup and on the members.  In love, explain how their behavior was a detriment to the eGroup.
• Guard Against Infection among the eGroup: You must be very sensitive to the impact that the difficult member is having on the other eGroup members.  It can be detrimental to the eGroup if the one member rallies the dissension of the eGroup or impacts the community and bonds that are being built.  You cannot the negative influence of one member spread to other eGroup members.
• Take Action: You are the leader of the eGroup.  You are whom the eGroups staff has entrusted with leading this group of people into a further walk with Christ.  You must walk in that authority that we have placed in you.  If the limits continue to be drawn or if this negativity continues to spread or manifest itself in other areas of the eGroup, you must take action.  If after second, third, or more "warnings in love", you are empowered to protect the group as a whole.  If that means the person taking a break from the eGroup, that is okay.  Remember, the group is more important than the individual.

• Are you comfortable with the mindset of "the group is more important than the individual?"  Are you comfortable having a hard conversation with an eGroup member about how they are being disruptive to the group?
• What will be your stumbling blocks in dealing with a difficult eGroup member?  How will you struggle with such situations?

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